A series: Lessons I learned Teaching in My 20s

Kind and Patient

One of my students had an assignment to describe a leader they admired, and he chose me. I read what he wrote—and then reread it—pondering how beautiful it is to be portrayed with such delicate kindness. “Kind and patient,” that’s how he described me.

An excerpt from his assignment:
“Her leadership is not loud or forceful, it’s quiet and genuine. Her positive attitude and calm presence make the classroom a better place to learn and succeed in life. Because of her, I have learned that being a leader isn’t about being the boss—it’s about being someone others can rely on, someone who lifts others and helps them grow.”

Across my years of teaching, I’ve had the privilege of receiving a lot of student praise. It’s the fuel for my passion. But never—not once—have I felt the way I did reading his assignment.
It feels like no matter how many times I reread it, I just can’t articulate its profoundness. The profound impact it has on me, and its profoundness in general.

In our masculine society that glamorizes power—where kids are told there are only two sides: the powerful and the weak—you need to choose one. You’ve been chosen for one. And you cannot care about the collateral damage; every throne has its victims.
It’s either you’re one of the victims—or the victimizer.
A culture bred on arrogance, privilege, and shameless righteousness.

And yet—
Kind. Patient. Quiet. Calm.
Those were the words he used to describe leadership.

It’s so elating to know that, amidst a sea of destruction, I had planted a flower—and it had grown bright and glistening.

It’s so elating to know that someone sees you—not as you are—but as the person you aspire to be.

Kind. Reliable. Uplifting.

That’s been my goal as a teacher. That’s how I hope I am.
But the job is challenging and hard, and most of the time, it feels like an impossible standard.

To know that someone sees me that way—and that it has shaped how they see the world and themselves—it’s beautiful. The kind of beautiful that will always give you hope when you need it.

Even as I write this, it feels like an out-of-body experience. Like I’m writing about someone else—not me.

I hope to live in a world where our leaders are as he described.

A world where being patient is praised, and being kind is powerful.

And maybe, in our own quiet gentle ways we can build this world.